People, life, and me... :)

There are so many things in life to keep us busy. People are my favorite, so people are the things that keep me the most busy... I choose to be with them more than other things... eating and sleeping included. There's this thing called balance that I'm always working on... maybe not always getting better about... but trying. It's so much fun to me to be with people I adore. I have no bubble. Really. Any. If they need me to keep going, I pretty much keep going... If I wanna be with people instead of resting, I pretty much keep going... This is not always a good trait. The very biggest thing I'm working on is balance. Did I mention that already?! :) When you're a homeschooler, I think maybe you get used to always being with someone and you don't think about alone time. And when you babysit, you're always with those cuties, so you don't think about alone time... Or maybe, it's really just me... because I don't really have an "alone time need mode".... but I do so much better with it now than I used to. Taking steps in the right direction, I tell you what, sir. :)))

 

Sometimes I look back over my life and can't hardly believe the things people have let me do-- yep, it's back to people. It's always about people. :) My parents let me do so many things I was interested it... to reach goals like traveling around the world at a very young age. (With adults!) Friends let me clean their houses, watch their kiddos, and supported me in my BIG dreams as well. They believed in me and pushed me on. They told me they wanted their kids to be like me... and ohhhhh would that scare me. It made me realize that I was being watched. It made me think about how I was living and wanted to make sure I didn't let them down because they were looking to me as an example. While I know that no one is perfect and we all have times we will fall, I tried so hard not to, and I was sooo mad when I did. I still am that way. It's good to have the pressure of trying to live right because you know you're being watched... but giving yourself more grace is a must-- because I'd give a lot of grace to others, and not myself. See?! I am making process. :))

I moved to Missouri... I didn't have anyone of my own, but it didn't matter, because I still had everyone in Georgia and my incredible friends in Missouri shared so much of their lives with me, making me part of the family, and sharing their friends with me. Life changed. A lot. From running around to all kinds of jobs in GA to one steady job here... from living with my parents to living with friends... and then other friends. I've found that I am a sponge. I like to be what I'm around. When I lived with the Hecks, I totally considered myself a Heck. While I've lived with the Nollers, I can see soooo many things about myself that are Nollerish and I think of myself with them. I guess that makes me a family person. I want to have a family. I want to be a part of life. I deeply love all of the people I've lived with. I've fallen in love with them all in ways I wouldn't have been able to say would happen over 2 years ago. They've changed my world time and time again. We've fought so many battles together... and we're not done, there will be more, but the best thing is knowing that we will win the WAR!  I say things like them, I eat things like them, sleeping patterns and TV watchings have even changed. Just as Once Upon a Time gets in our heads, PEOPLE get in mine. I have suchhhhhh a huge group of friends. I love so very easily. And some people I just straight up ADORE!

I've not in any way done all of this right. In the past 23 years I've been a back-talker to my parents. I've been so very stubborn. I've not realized how I needed to be my own person or give others space. I've loved to the point of making others feel pushed out of the way. I'm not perfect. I know that. But I am trying. I'm trying hard. Every day. To be the Christian that my Maker wants me to be. I'm working to care for others in a way that shows Christ and not me. I've been trying to pull back, to be my own family, instead of needing a family. It's hard. I'll always be a happier person when I'm hugged and cuddled and looked at like I belong.I'm praying for my future and staying busy to make new dreams possible. I don't know where I'll end up... I could make some statements on somethings I want... but I don't know if those are things that God knows I need or not... So waiting on His time.

 

 I am not sorry for who I am. I don't apologize for the parts of me that are just ME! Always working to be a better person, yes, but not working to change deep down what makes me Kara Elizabeth McAfee. Or Kara Bara, as Carter thought my name was. 

I'm not in competition with anyone. I'm not out to change life all around me to be focused on me... I'm setting out to live a better life for HIM this year than last. To make those around me know that much more how much they mean to me. (You never know when someone you love will be gone... we lost a friends last night. She meant more than she knows. We'll miss her so much.) I'm setting out to be closer to God, closer to friends, and I'm setting out to be ME!

"This is real,
This is me.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.
Gonna let the light shine on me.
Now I've found who I am,
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I wanna be.
This is me!!"