People, life, and me... :)

There are so many things in life to keep us busy. People are my favorite, so people are the things that keep me the most busy... I choose to be with them more than other things... eating and sleeping included. There's this thing called balance that I'm always working on... maybe not always getting better about... but trying. It's so much fun to me to be with people I adore. I have no bubble. Really. Any. If they need me to keep going, I pretty much keep going... If I wanna be with people instead of resting, I pretty much keep going... This is not always a good trait. The very biggest thing I'm working on is balance. Did I mention that already?! :) When you're a homeschooler, I think maybe you get used to always being with someone and you don't think about alone time. And when you babysit, you're always with those cuties, so you don't think about alone time... Or maybe, it's really just me... because I don't really have an "alone time need mode".... but I do so much better with it now than I used to. Taking steps in the right direction, I tell you what, sir. :)))

 

Sometimes I look back over my life and can't hardly believe the things people have let me do-- yep, it's back to people. It's always about people. :) My parents let me do so many things I was interested it... to reach goals like traveling around the world at a very young age. (With adults!) Friends let me clean their houses, watch their kiddos, and supported me in my BIG dreams as well. They believed in me and pushed me on. They told me they wanted their kids to be like me... and ohhhhh would that scare me. It made me realize that I was being watched. It made me think about how I was living and wanted to make sure I didn't let them down because they were looking to me as an example. While I know that no one is perfect and we all have times we will fall, I tried so hard not to, and I was sooo mad when I did. I still am that way. It's good to have the pressure of trying to live right because you know you're being watched... but giving yourself more grace is a must-- because I'd give a lot of grace to others, and not myself. See?! I am making process. :))

I moved to Missouri... I didn't have anyone of my own, but it didn't matter, because I still had everyone in Georgia and my incredible friends in Missouri shared so much of their lives with me, making me part of the family, and sharing their friends with me. Life changed. A lot. From running around to all kinds of jobs in GA to one steady job here... from living with my parents to living with friends... and then other friends. I've found that I am a sponge. I like to be what I'm around. When I lived with the Hecks, I totally considered myself a Heck. While I've lived with the Nollers, I can see soooo many things about myself that are Nollerish and I think of myself with them. I guess that makes me a family person. I want to have a family. I want to be a part of life. I deeply love all of the people I've lived with. I've fallen in love with them all in ways I wouldn't have been able to say would happen over 2 years ago. They've changed my world time and time again. We've fought so many battles together... and we're not done, there will be more, but the best thing is knowing that we will win the WAR!  I say things like them, I eat things like them, sleeping patterns and TV watchings have even changed. Just as Once Upon a Time gets in our heads, PEOPLE get in mine. I have suchhhhhh a huge group of friends. I love so very easily. And some people I just straight up ADORE!

I've not in any way done all of this right. In the past 23 years I've been a back-talker to my parents. I've been so very stubborn. I've not realized how I needed to be my own person or give others space. I've loved to the point of making others feel pushed out of the way. I'm not perfect. I know that. But I am trying. I'm trying hard. Every day. To be the Christian that my Maker wants me to be. I'm working to care for others in a way that shows Christ and not me. I've been trying to pull back, to be my own family, instead of needing a family. It's hard. I'll always be a happier person when I'm hugged and cuddled and looked at like I belong.I'm praying for my future and staying busy to make new dreams possible. I don't know where I'll end up... I could make some statements on somethings I want... but I don't know if those are things that God knows I need or not... So waiting on His time.

 

 I am not sorry for who I am. I don't apologize for the parts of me that are just ME! Always working to be a better person, yes, but not working to change deep down what makes me Kara Elizabeth McAfee. Or Kara Bara, as Carter thought my name was. 

I'm not in competition with anyone. I'm not out to change life all around me to be focused on me... I'm setting out to live a better life for HIM this year than last. To make those around me know that much more how much they mean to me. (You never know when someone you love will be gone... we lost a friends last night. She meant more than she knows. We'll miss her so much.) I'm setting out to be closer to God, closer to friends, and I'm setting out to be ME!

"This is real,
This is me.
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now.
Gonna let the light shine on me.
Now I've found who I am,
There's no way to hold it in.
No more hiding who I wanna be.
This is me!!"

Bobbi :))

There's this amazing person I know. 

Her name for the next couple days is Bobbi Morgan. 

But she's about to change that. 

It's about to be Mrs. Heck. <3 <3

That's right. Remember...(what feels like a different lifetime...) when I moved here?? 

I was moving here to take care of the cutest little sweethearts ever. I was coming to help out one of the coolest guys in the whole wide world with his two most important blessings. 

I accepted the hardest job of my life to date. 

Also the best job of my life to date.

This lady goes by many names already. 

Christian-- equaling my sister. 

My boss.

The soon-to-be-wife of my boss. (I have several...)

The soon-to-be-mom of the cutest kiddos on the planet. 

Sister, friend, daughter, aunt, way too smart, cute, and sassy. :D

The tough woman I wish that I could be.

She's the answer to so many prayers. It was incredible to me the day I knew that she was the one. I'd been praying for her every single day since moving to Missouri. I didn't know who she was. That wasn't needed, though. God knew. He was preparing her heart. He knew where our paths would cross, how she would fit perfectly into the spot she needed to. She isn't perfect, but she is perfect for this "job." 

She can for real do this job. I've been keeping the pages turning, but she's the one who can continue writing this story. 

This job takes high levels of intelligence. 

A great deal of hard work. 

Many hours in prayer. 

Deep study in the Word. 

This job takes extreme amounts of love.

And she's got it. She's got it all. 

I'm so proud of her. 

She is loved and adored by all three members of her new family. 

She has already done so much for them. 

She is part of all of our lives now. She means more than she will ever know. 

 

I love those three Hecks more than my life. 

She loves them more than her life. 

She can give them what I couldn't. 

 I could not be happier to give up my job... 

because she is so much more capable to take it in hand and live the life. 

I'm glad to be able to still be around the edges, I'm grateful for all the care that Darren has taken of me and for the love that the kiddos have so willingly given to me. My life will never be the same because of the 687 days that I spent with them. I've given more than I thought was in me. I've messed up more times than I like to count. I've been encouraged and held up and made better by all 4 of these dear ones. 

To my Boss. ~ I don't have enough words to thank you enough for everything!

To my new Boss. ~ I'm thrilled to know you!

To my sweet girl. ~ You light up my world like no other!

To my baby boy. ~ You will always kill me with your smile!

I love the Hecks! <3 <3 <3 <3

Christmas 2013 with Blessings #1 and #2

Look at that big boy!! 

This is our 3rd Christmas together!

CRAZINEEEEEEEEES!!! 

hee hee. Ken's eyes crack me up in this pic.

Ohhh yeahhhh. Those are the craziiiiiiii kiddos I know!!!

She is precious and beautiful!!!

Merry Christmas to my KenKen!

She was all about us wearing Santa hats and holding those snowmen. 

She's such a neat girl to spend time with.

This is one of my favorite pictures. 

He's adorable!! 

Merry Christmas to my CarterMan!

I would go anywhere, do anything, with these babes. They're the coolest things ever. 

We had a wonderful Christmas break. It was a WHITE CHRISTMAS! 

It was awesome. We played out in it more than once. 

We read books and had a great time doing nothing. 

Just the little things... 

Makin' life great.

Ready to begin a NEW YEAR-- 

NEW FAMILY TO COME! :D

What is happiness?!

It's long walks in the most beautiful woods with friends, 

especially having CanCan home to go with us!

It's playing on the trampoline with Boo, Bean, Madison, Hallie, and Lucy!

It's seeing this darling face so full of joy!!

It's having a HOUSEFUL of people for a singing night-- 

praising GOD for hours on end!

It's watching this little girl-- who is wayyyy too big-- 

get ready for Halloween!

It's waking up to see these faces every morning!! :D

It's finishing "Teach Your Child To Read In 100 Easy Lessons." 

She did a fantastic job!!

It's going to Aunt Debbie with friends and family and 

having pumpkin carving day!!

It's seeing allllll the cute and funny expressions Lucy makes!! 

(And is Hallie not beautiful!?)

It's having incredible Christian women in my life who I can go to for help, support, love, and just to be together and have a grand ol' time!

It's the goofiness and goodness of kiddos!!

It's sunshine, a pretty aunt, sweet kiddos, and yummy food, 

and a softball field to watch our #12!!

It's being on the Sydney Team! 

It's having a day with Lyssa Lou and matching in outfit styles and 

getting to worship God!

It's all the little things... 

That mean EVERYTHING!!!

"Every GOOD and PERFECT gift is from ABOVE!"

Fall Fun!

Every time of year has its own blessings... But, ohhhh how I do love the FALL! 

I LOVE the changing trees. Colors everywhere. The leaves on the ground, the crisp mornings... somehow it gets me even more excited and happy to be alive... but then, the snow, flowers, and camp all do, too! :) ha ha

Nothing like having a beautiful Saturday, though... one where we got to play outside all day, taking pictures, laughing, and thanking God for all of His bountiful blessings!!!

McKenna Anne Heck

Here are 1 and 2 blessings I thank HIM for every day, 100s of times a week...

Carter Boyd Heck

I DARE you not to LOVE THEM!!

On Thanksgiving morning, when I got to Grandma's and walked into the room where Ken and Carter were drawing, they looked up with big smiles on their faces. "This is the moment I've been waiting for!" KenKen says and hugs me! CarterMan promptly picks up his pretend gun, aims it right at me, shoots me, and kisses my lips. ... He kinda likes me, too. :) The whole day was just fantastic. Those moments will be locked away in my memory forever. So blessed to be so loved... and to love them so much!

I got to hang out with them tonight. We don't have as much time just the three of us anymore... though we do still have lots of family time all together as a big group, and it is all just as it should be, though oh, do I miss them! It was nice to hang out tonight. Laugh, talk, play, cuddle, do Bible time, and play games. 

Just seeing them makes me happy.

I daily pray for them, and for my future kiddos, that they will grown and increase as it says that Jesus did in Luke 2:52:

"And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man."

August Awesomeness... just found!

This post didn't post the right way last time... here's hoping it does now... 

I love all the darlings in this shot. We had a perfect day. It was awesome. 

Because these are friends and family who are Christians. 

We share the same goals. Hopes. Love.

It makes my life better just knowing they're around. 

Just to think of them makes me smile. 

They're like sunshine itself. 

4 of the sweetest sweethearts in all the word. 

Madison. Carter. Hallie. McKenna. 

Cousins. Family. Can't imagine life without each other.

These kiddos are each a year apart. They know one another so well. 

They are each others best friends. They play together beautifully.

Beautiful girls. Inside and out. 

Girls who reach out to others to help them when they see that they're not happy. 

Girls who are smart, silly, helpful, active, and good. 

Girls who I love to be around. 

What a blessing "little ones" are... 

they really are the ones who make life worth living-- 

to show them where we can go one day... 

where we'll never grow old! 

Live by example!

Change.

 Change. Change is not my favorite. Trying new things? Yes, I do enjoy that. Having firsts? Yeah, that's normally pretty interesting, too. Adventures, those are awesome. Traditions, that's special... but change... sigh. Not the easiest thing in the world. It kinda goes along with growth... which is lovely to watch in a flower, or even new grass seeds outside in the front yard... Growth in yourself can be nice to look back at and appreciate, but the stretching and changing as you're mid-growth. Ouch.

  As you all might have gathered from my Facebook posts of the past few weeks-- and really, months and years would be accurate, life is always full of lessons and learning-- I've been learning, growing, and stretching a lot. I get a good reminder sometimes when it hurts, that I could have saved myself some trouble, sadness, or pain if I'd listened to those smarter than I from the beginning. Though I will not always get it right, I have determinedly decided to do a MUCH better job about listening to advice from Godly Christians. My parents are my number one set of example and encouragement. And oh, how the list does go on from there. I've been blessed with such a support system, I can't even tell you how far around the world it reaches. Our GOD is too good to HIS own!

 So, I've learned to tolerate (I'm not gonna say I love it, but I actually cannot say that I hate it as much as I used to) some alone time. Between jobs, with sometimes not a sound in the house, other times loud music or a phone call with a friend while running around to get little things done. I've learned to not need others as much, to need God more. And this is a very good thing. I've learned to reach out father than my usual circle to give and to also receive fellowship. I've tried new things, I have new jobs, I've been making myself read books again.  (This may sound super silly, because I've grown up loving to read and being read to and even now to read to littles... sitting down to read for me, though, is something I'm out of the habit of and don't do often because I would always pick to be with someone above reading. But, it's been a good task for me. Little Women was the first book of choice. It's an old friend. I'm almost done, having enjoyed every minute.)

I've realized why I can be such a pain to others. Why I'm not always totally believed or trusted because of my usual happiness. I've learned that I need to show some of my difficulties, also sharing all the incredible joys that truly do OVERFLOW my life. I am blessed beyond reason, I do have a very easy life-- but it's not all because it just "happened" that way. Many people have made serious choices and held to them to make sure that my life had many of the things that I should-- a safe and happy home because my parents were united in Christ and divorce was not an option. A fantastic congregation in GA because the elders made sure that they fought every bit of false teaching or steered us away from any sin that tried to come into our fold... and now, strong Christian friends who help me stay on the right path, to stay focused, and again, a wonderful congregation led by elders who are determined to help us all get to Heaven. And I have had to make and hold to some very strong decisions, Because they are what is right. The more you do it, the easier it is, but it's not easy. And, also, the more you do pick the right thing, the LESS you would even want the bad things... and the better you are at understanding your blessings.

It's hard to live without the constant joy of having your favorite two kiddos in the whole world by your side every moment of the day, but, as I pray for them, as I let them go, as I am so excited for their futures, I turn more towards my future, and to what work there is to do right now. And there is so much. The word BORED is not in my vocabulary. Because I do not allow it to be... because life is too short to not get out there and live every minute of it-- I do love this life, though it is hard, but I'm ready to go on, whenever, to what is waiting. THAT change? That one won't be hard... :)